“ Aloo, Can I help you?”, the receptionist enquired.
“Er yes.. Can you can
direct me to the Non-Non Vegetarian Group Inc. head office”, he answered
wondering if that was a jibe at him.
The newspaper ad was short. “Beet the meat in 2 days.Free.”
The line was corny, but he wanted to turn vegetarian for
quite some time. Junk food had caused his body all sorts of problems, and he
believed vegetables could root this ale’ment and cleanse his system. But he didn’t want to compromise on the taste
quotient by eating boiled veggies. He wanted the body like the Hulk; but not by
drinking juices of the same color.
He was escorted to a room where he was told to keep out all
leather products. Apparently they wanted
to cleanse you from animal dependence from the outside as well. There weren’t
any other customers to be seen. He wondered why people didn’t turnip for this
offer as he was led into a glass cabin.
The cabin was filled with vegetables and herbs. Just as he looked around, the door was bolted
shut.
Still confused, he tapped at the glass door, thinking it was
a mistake. Sala bakra chodne aaya tha, mujhko hi bakra bana diya.
Two doctors greeted him from outside the cabin.
“Hi. Don’t worry. The door is just jammed. I’ll just ask the
security to open it. I am Dr. Jean Cabaye and this is my assistant, friend and
brocholli.”
“Its Kohli”, the assistant mutter'ed.
“Oh hi. I thought you
will be experimenting on me in this cabin? Like I am some kind of lab rat?”
“No. No. No. Rats do eat meat, sometimes even other rats”,
he said, trying to provide some quantum of solace to his customer.
“Haha..Anyways what’s the deal here? I didn’t quite
understand what’s the routine?”-he asked impatiently.
“Nothing,nothing. We will inject you with one of my
inventions which will prevent you from having any non veg items.
“Prevent? I hope this is safe. Mereko toh tere se dar lag
raha hai sabji”- he blurted out to the Doctor.
“Tomato wohi keh raha hoon. Don’t worry”- assured the
assistant.
The serum would change his system in a way that having meat
would hurt his stomach. The enzymes secreted by your digestive tract would now
be like a herbivore.
“But I will still crave for meat, wont I? I have known
people who have had allergies from food, but still longed to eat it.”
“Ah.. But we will tweak your taste buds as well. Your incisors will also be chiseled so your
teeth are more refined to process your new food.”
“ Whoa! Wait a minute. Your experiment isn’t helping me to curb
my eating habits, you are taking away my choice to eat meat. One is a lifestyle
option but the other is a fundamental right. These are two different things. Comparing
Chalk to Cheese“
“ Tomato,Tomatar, Potato,Batato…I think you are just playing
with semantics. La’sooner you stop making such arguments the better”-said the
Doctor with a change of tone.
“ I have had enough. I don’t want to sign up for this. Where
the hell is the security? ”
“ You have already signed up for this. My serum is odourless
and is currently entering your body through the air”
He felt a sudden rush through his body which made him feel
weaker. His pulses went higher. His eyes turned radish. He tried hitting the
glass, but faltered at every blow.
“You are playing with Nature!!” he exhaled.
As he lost his consciousness, he faintly heard the words
“Let baingons be baingons, now Gobi yourself”
Dhaniyawaad.
